PSYCH! I am not going to write (on this page anyway) about sovereign wealth funds investing in American banks. If I were, I would write about how great it is that China gives us cheap, huge, plasma TVs; that all they want in exchange are rapidly less-valuable pictures of Benjamin Franklin; and that, to top it all off, they give us back those pictures! Hooray!
But no, that is not what this post is about. I would like, again, to ask for suggestions. You see, Joel's 21st birthday in Las Vegas is not just Joel's 21st birthday. Eric Vanderpol, Derek Severson, and me (Paul, Joel's brother) are all getting married this fall. So Las Vegas on September 5-8 will be a 21 run and three bachelor parties. My goodness, will it be fun. I want to create shirts for Eric, Derek, and me. I have a few ideas for shirt slogans kicking around, and I would like to hear more. Here are some of mine:
My fiance is hotter than you.
[Front] Sorry ladies, off the market, [Back] but this knob job next to me, the one with the sideways trucker cap, is single, if you can believe it.
Marriage: the ultimate run-on sentence.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Friday, February 15, 2008
New tack
Seeing as how none of you people (I assume this site receives 20,000 unique views a day, and that's my conservative guess) have any good stories about Joel--see post immediately below--I've decided to switch to a new strategy to get comments.
I want to get some new nicknames for Joel Graves. As a disclaimer, I am not a big nickname guy. I think they are great, but I am intellectually lazy, and never have the stamina or wherewithall to sit around and think up nicknames for people.
But I'm different when it comes to Joel. You see, when Joel was a youngster, we started calling him Judge Judith Sheindlin. This was in Judge Judy's halcyon days, when people actually watched her mete out vengeful justice on whichever white trash party in front of her seemed more repugnant morally. Maybe they still do; I have a job now, and don't watch her anymore. Most of my generalizations about humanity are just saying things I do, but prefacing them with the word 'everyone', or sometimes 'no one.' So "I don't watch Judge Judy anymore" becomes "No one watches Judge Judy anymore." "I am a huge Seattle sports fan" turns into "everyone is a huge Seattle sports fan," a proposition provably false. As a side note, this is what most op-ed columnists do.
Anyway, we called Joel Judge Judith Scheindlin. That started getting prolix, so we shortened it to Judge Judy. After a while, even that go hard to say, so it became simply Judy. This whole thing was a lot more tolerable for Joel (which is not to say it was very tolerable at all) when it was Judge Judy, because being called a girl's didn't have quite the same ring without the word Judge in front. So we shortened it to Jude.
I (Paul, Joel's older brother) have been calling Joel Jude for around a decade, but I need something new. As Joel enters his manhood, it's time we all got together and brainstormed some new nicknames for Joel. Just add your suggestion to the comments.
I want to get some new nicknames for Joel Graves. As a disclaimer, I am not a big nickname guy. I think they are great, but I am intellectually lazy, and never have the stamina or wherewithall to sit around and think up nicknames for people.
But I'm different when it comes to Joel. You see, when Joel was a youngster, we started calling him Judge Judith Sheindlin. This was in Judge Judy's halcyon days, when people actually watched her mete out vengeful justice on whichever white trash party in front of her seemed more repugnant morally. Maybe they still do; I have a job now, and don't watch her anymore. Most of my generalizations about humanity are just saying things I do, but prefacing them with the word 'everyone', or sometimes 'no one.' So "I don't watch Judge Judy anymore" becomes "No one watches Judge Judy anymore." "I am a huge Seattle sports fan" turns into "everyone is a huge Seattle sports fan," a proposition provably false. As a side note, this is what most op-ed columnists do.
Anyway, we called Joel Judge Judith Scheindlin. That started getting prolix, so we shortened it to Judge Judy. After a while, even that go hard to say, so it became simply Judy. This whole thing was a lot more tolerable for Joel (which is not to say it was very tolerable at all) when it was Judge Judy, because being called a girl's didn't have quite the same ring without the word Judge in front. So we shortened it to Jude.
I (Paul, Joel's older brother) have been calling Joel Jude for around a decade, but I need something new. As Joel enters his manhood, it's time we all got together and brainstormed some new nicknames for Joel. Just add your suggestion to the comments.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
Great Joel stories
If you are visiting this website, either (a) you are a friend of Joel David Graves, (b) you wish you were friends with Joel David Graves, and are trying to gain some insight into how to be his friend, or (c) you are a frat guy who googled "21 run." If you are (b), Joel is a pretty nice guy, and if you ask to be his friend, he will probably say yes. If (c), you probably go to a big-ten school, and so are having trouble reading this since you are only semi-literate. The rest of this post is for the (a) people.
I am looking for good Joel stories. Add some to the comments below. If you can login and write one, do it. Here's one I have:
In the mid-1990s, Joel, Peter (his brother), and me (Paul, his other brother), frequently watched the World Wrestling Federation. By frequently, I mean every Monday, Thursday, and four Sundays a year. Beyond those days, however, we had markedly differing views on what counted as good television. To preempt any major fights over the remote control, we created the Remote Championship.
The rules were simple enough. Every Monday, during WWF's Monday Night Raw program, the reigning remote champion defended his title against the number one challenger in a tough game of ping-pong. The winner had despotic control over the remote for the week. The number one challenger, in turn, was decided every Thursday, during Smackdown. The two non-remote champions would play, with the winner emerging as the number one challenger.
If you know Joel's ability at odd sports, you can see where this was headed. If the Olympics ever create a pentathalon of off-the-beaten-path sort-of sports, I want Joel representing America. From golf to dodgeball, badminton to volleyball to bowling, Joel is all world. This includes ping-pong.
He wasn't always that way. Joel has worked for his ability to dominate most people at games like pickleball, not to mention just plain pickle (a story for another time). When we created the remote championship, Joel would take a beating on Thursday, demoralizing his spirit for the whole week. But, like a hostage taker who has nothing to live for, Joel did not give up. Eventually, the remote championship was a joke. Joel won nearly every week.
Thankfully, Peter and I were still bigger, and so had the muscle to declare an end to the remote championship and place control over the remote back in the hands of those who deserved it: anyone but Joel.
I am looking for good Joel stories. Add some to the comments below. If you can login and write one, do it. Here's one I have:
In the mid-1990s, Joel, Peter (his brother), and me (Paul, his other brother), frequently watched the World Wrestling Federation. By frequently, I mean every Monday, Thursday, and four Sundays a year. Beyond those days, however, we had markedly differing views on what counted as good television. To preempt any major fights over the remote control, we created the Remote Championship.
The rules were simple enough. Every Monday, during WWF's Monday Night Raw program, the reigning remote champion defended his title against the number one challenger in a tough game of ping-pong. The winner had despotic control over the remote for the week. The number one challenger, in turn, was decided every Thursday, during Smackdown. The two non-remote champions would play, with the winner emerging as the number one challenger.
If you know Joel's ability at odd sports, you can see where this was headed. If the Olympics ever create a pentathalon of off-the-beaten-path sort-of sports, I want Joel representing America. From golf to dodgeball, badminton to volleyball to bowling, Joel is all world. This includes ping-pong.
He wasn't always that way. Joel has worked for his ability to dominate most people at games like pickleball, not to mention just plain pickle (a story for another time). When we created the remote championship, Joel would take a beating on Thursday, demoralizing his spirit for the whole week. But, like a hostage taker who has nothing to live for, Joel did not give up. Eventually, the remote championship was a joke. Joel won nearly every week.
Thankfully, Peter and I were still bigger, and so had the muscle to declare an end to the remote championship and place control over the remote back in the hands of those who deserved it: anyone but Joel.
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